Wednesday, March 04, 2009

I have not written in awhile and I would love to blame my crappy keyboard on my laptop but I actually have another keyboard that I have to connect to my laptop to do my work (for some odd reason the antiquate DOS program we use only responds to the outside enter key i.e. the enter key on the number pad.) So I am writing this while watching Jon & Kate plus eight. I upset Monkey by moving slightly and she left the safe haven of the blanket next to me.I am having extreme melancholy feelings tonight- I was reading a blog which lead me to another which made me realize that if this person could blog I could too. However, it is kind of making me feel, uh, sad. I feel kind of lonely most nights anyway once Robby gets on the computer and all there is to do is watch TV or be on the computer. I would organize the garage but for some odd reason I don't like to do so when it is dark outside, I envision some creepo outside the window, watching me sort clothes and other random junk.I also feel lonely cause I am pregnant and hormones make everything worse, which would be why I am crying. I thought to myself- I feel lonely cause I am alone and my little daughter moved just then as if to say, "You aren't alone Mommy, I am here!" I think that is God more than anything teling me that I am not alone but it is nice to have an actual physical presence to remind me. I am looking forward to meeting my little squirmy girl or as I like to call her at times, "My little hyper active Brazilian soccer team."On to more pleasant topics than my sullenness, the doctor's appointment went well, she said that my gluclose test was good and I am slightly anemic, which does not surprise me since at times when I have given blood they have not let me because I was too anemic that day. I looked up iron rich foods and guess what was on the top of the list- LIVER. Even if pregnant women could have it (cannot because it contains too much vitamin A) I would not- Yuck. I mentioned this to grandma brindley and she said that when she was 17 she had to eat liver for a month before she had her tonsils out because she was anemic. So, now she doesn't like it- that is so gross and I am so lucky I did not have to do that when I was little.Doctor said that I don't have to worry about the baby's position at this point partly because she is still small, Dr. said to wait until 35 weeks and we will determine that when the time comes. Here is hoping that she turns her little self upside down, cause I don't want to do a cesaren if she is breech (that is feet or butt first).She also asked about birth control that we want to use and I was thinking- uh I'm still pregnant I think I am good, but obviously she meant after the baby- that is good she is getting us thinking about times ahead. (I will leave all you good people in the dark about the rest of the conversation.) That was it really- I feel bad that I don't have a lot of issues going on- I will start writing it down- really the only thing that I have that is an ongoing issue is heartburn and there is no rhyme or reason for it. The best that I can guess is that when I eat something to close to bed time I am more likely to get heartburn. I don't eat a lot of spicy foods and citrus does not seem to aggravate it, but antacids help and thankfully are not too nasty tasting.Writing my feelings down does seem to help, even if no one reads them, at least I have them out. I am hoping that some of the lonely/left behind/ someone is too busy to spend any time talking to me will go ease with time and go away completely once the baby is born. I am hoping that by going to another church where we can actually maybe get involved will help. Isn't there something to be said for giving time and energy to someone else is like giving it to yourself? OR soemthing like that. Well, baby says goodbye and her eighth bout of hiccups of the day finally stopped.